If a person begins treatment for depression and still feels unhappy in their relationship, it may be a sign that the relationship itself is having an impact on their mental health. A mental health professional such as a therapist or relationship counselor can help a person understand whether or not their relationship is healthy or beneficial.
Some signs that a relationship is harmful include:. Depression can cause someone to feel that there is no hope. However, depression is highly treatable, and there are steps that individuals can take to begin healing. The first step is to make an appointment with a mental health professional or doctor. They can help diagnose depression, test for any conditions that could be contributing, and talk through treatment options. Treatment for depression can vary from person to person, depending on what works for them.
It typically involves a combination of:. For example, a therapist may help them identify adverse experiences or thinking patterns that may be involved.
The person can then start to work through this and begin new thinking patterns or habits. They may also wish to make other changes in their life, including those relating to their relationship.
Keep in mind that healing is not linear. Even while undergoing treatment, it is normal to have both good days and bad days. They also cannot make someone seek help if they do not want to. What partners can do is offer understanding, love, and compassion. If someone feels that they are in a loving and secure relationship, they may feel more supported in seeking treatment. It is also important that partners look after their own mental health when caring for someone with depression.
They may wish to consider speaking with a therapist themselves. Learn more about ways to support a partner with depression here.
Depression and relationships can be interlinked. However, some people may also experience depression even if their relationship has no problems. In all cases, depression can have a significant impact on people and their loved ones. Recovering from relationship depression is possible with treatment. Until treatment begins to take effect, people in loving relationships can help support each other. If a person cannot get any support from their partner, they may need to consider if that relationship is causing harm.
Depression is a common and serious mental health condition that can often take its toll on relationships. However, supporting a partner with…. Relationship anxiety can affect different kinds of relationships.
It is a common issue, but persistent or severe anxiety in a relationship may require…. Post-traumatic stress disorder PTSD symptoms can create or exacerbate relationship challenges. Learn more, including how to support a partner with…. I need my boyfriend back. Help me, please. He might not, for instance, be willing to live in Florida indefinitely.
Knowing that depression is something that might recur will be important to keep in mind as you see what can be done to help your boyfriend now. Depression, like many other medical conditions, can certainly be managed, but it will nevertheless be something that your boyfriend lives with—which means his depression will be something that you will at times live with too.
Medications for depression can be quite effective, but they also often involve some trial and error and require time to take effect, and the side effects can be unpleasant.
Many people simply give up, thinking that nothing will work. Another option is to see a couples therapist to get help figuring out how to work together as a team not just when your boyfriend gets depressed, but also when dealing with whatever other issues are going on in your relationship—such as the transition to living together and the move to a city where your boyfriend is away from his support system.
A therapist can help you both talk about how these changes are affecting you individually and as a couple. Depression hurts, but it makes sense. For someone who is being caned by depression, there is no positive. The view of reality is shaped by a lifetime of experience and sometimes, the way people see the world is exactly the way the world is for them.
If there was a way to do that, they would have done it themselves by now. This will probably explode your own feelings of helplessness, but reworking things towards a positive angle will ease your helplessness, not theirs. So is the pain and the confusion of that. Talk about it with them for sure, but try to persuade the conversation in a different direction after a while if you can.
Common ground will shrink the distance between you. What I will do is be here for you for as long as it takes. Depression can be different for everyone. When people are sad they generally have an idea of why. At a time when people need connection the most, depression forces distance.
Do everything you can not to let it. Connection and positive feelings strengthen the brain against depression, and exercise can cause the same changes in the brain as antidepressants. The problem is that the very nature of depression will hold people back from doing any of these. Depression is there to nurture withdrawal, remember. It does this by stealing motivation, and creating exhaustion.
Be tender, gentle and loving and reintroduce them to life, connection, and positive feelings. Thoughts, feelings and behaviours are intimately connected. A change in one will eventually lead to the other but the change is unlikely come from the person with depression.
Out of the three, thoughts and feelings are the toughest to change. Initiate walks, dinners, holidays — anything that has the potential to create positive feelings.
Take their hand and lead them there gently. There is nothing abnormal about the symptoms of depression. What makes these very human experiences lead to a diagnosis of depression is a question of degree. People with depression experience the same we all experience, but at a different intensity, duration, or cluster of symptoms. Depression rarely takes hold of just one person.
When depression settles into someone, helplessness, fear and sadness bleed through the walls it builds around that person and into the lives of those who love them.
There is always a way through depression but it takes an almighty fight. Few things are as powerful as human connection and anything you can do to nurture that will help to put back what depression strips away.
I would like to hear about what worked. I need to talk to someone and it sounds like some of you could relate. One of my best friends appears to suffering from depression. From time to time she posted very dark messages on FB about terrible pain from a broken relationship. She has had a lot of pain in the past from relationships and illness. In the past she would go silent for a week ot 2 and then reappear.
She never admitted to depression but just said she likes quiet.. This year the depression seems very obvious. She went siilent for a month in Feb.. She has not spoke to me for 4 months. She Is not taking my calls, has cut me off from whatsapp, instagram and FB.
I wish I could be there for her and it hurts like death not being able to talk to her or help. This is painful. I tried to give her space. I tried to write her emails with encouraging words of support but nothing.
I miss our friendship and hope to be able to get it back. We had fun times and I would hate to lose that friend in my life. I wish someway to show that I am thete for her but I have been cut off by her from social media. All I can do is pray and hope she will find peace and joy and that the friendship could survive. Its painful to go from talking to someone right throughout the day to being cut off..
I am having trouble sleeping. I have headaches. I cant get this out of my thoughts. Its frustrating caring for someone and being pushed away. Why is she doing that? I hope the friendship is not broken. Is there anything else I can do? How can I let her know that she has my love and support? Has anybody ever experienced something like this and the friendship survived? E I dont know. Depression is ugly and rough on anyone involved. I only began to fully understand it after my bf went into a spiral and i researched it.
A few years ago my bestfriend did the same. I knew it was always there but i didnt grasp what he was dealing with so when he cut me off i took it personal. I tried to reach out, begged and pleaded and nothing. I took it pretty rough and it still hurts to think about that loss.
There was a couple times he reached out and either apologized or said he missed me but nothing ever came of it. After my bf started cutting me out i could feel myself slipping and for months didnt care about much. Your brain knows you care about things but not enough to do anything about it. You said she cut you out, did she cut everyone out as well?
Depression needs help and support and if someone is so deep they are unable to help themself someone needs to be looking out for them in my opinion. Do what you can to send no pressure encouraging thoughts but at the end of the day its her choice to want to change. Hope this gives a little more insight. She has support from her family and a couple friends from high school.
There may also be a new person on the scene. It looks as if my reaching out has angered her since she does not take my call and has posted a rant on facebook. The rant was a threat to cut off people. Above all I hope she will be well and experience lasting peace and joy and would not get caught up in making any decision that she may regret while in this phase. Sadly my fight has come to an end.
I could no longer live in a world where my emotions have no value. Where my voice is just white noise. I understand there is a struggle and Embarrassment and Shame and all the emotions that someone suffering with depression and anxiety goes through.
I understand and have provided all of the support that is expected of me as a partner. But ultimately if I give all that I am to you and you can not get yourself to a medical professional to get the help you need in 18months of me begging you then I can no longer be your emotional punch bag. It sucks. I hope the end of athis relationship will see him finally get the head space he needs to get the help that is out there. I really hope he seeks the help. I tried looking in the past comments to see if ur original post was there.
I guess it all just added up just under the surface until it caught up. Other days im between frustrated and disappointed i just want to yell at him or shake it out of him. But i hold on, believing that one day love will win out.
And i agree the struggle of embarrassment or shame can prevent enlightenment. So its been a rollarcoaster of communication or lack there of. He stopped responding to me completely for almost two weeks. Before he left we talked about me coming up our anniversary weekend so i reminded him and still no response.
The back and forth prompted an angry phone call to which he ended abruptly. His sisters birthday is also around the same time so she was going up that weekend. I basically told him he can respect me enough to say it to my face or call me later and have an honest calm conversation.
Couple days later he texted apologizing for the way he spoke to me. Seems he had a breakdown at some point and his parents finally know full extent of his depression. Fast forward to Friday my dad passed… Yea.. Stage 4 colorectal. He was the first call I made on my way there after i was informed he was nonresponsive.
Then he called back afterward and we talked for a few hrs. Texts and calls the beginning of the week. He started taking dopamine supplements and planning to see a neurologist after he gets insurance, thinks it has to do with his adhd medication he used to take when he was younger blocking his chemical levels.
Thurs back to severe depression state. My distress was draining him of the little his pleasure centers put out. He asked about the service but never gave me a yes or no.
It all sucks. I dont know if i can really be mad at someone who is barely surviving. My emotions are all mixed up between the two and hard to tell where one begins and the other ends. So sorry to read what you are going thru, but there is some comfort in knowing this is such a familiar road with depression.
I too am on a rollercoaster, it is awful. They leave little breadcrumbs of hope, then they disappear in their darkness as if they never did. The communication is so sporadic. It becomes difficult to believe things will ever get better. My signicant other has been in treatment for almost two months now, though I see little change in his behavior.
Still so withdrawn and silent. I truly do not know if I should make myself move on without him or continue to support without much in return to validate my efforts. I hope we both find some respite from the rollercoaster soon…. L I feel the same way. Thats exactly what it is bread crumbs of hope. I dont want to give up on him, i just feel so inadequate with his lack of care. We also had talked about moving in together last year but for his financial reasons it didnt happen.
He actually just traded his 10yr old car in last Tues. I tried to call but he texted and he seemed happy about it. Figured he would be in a better mood still the next day and we did talk but he sounded so miserable and said he was filled with anxiety now.
With a car being one of his huge financial goals i had hoped it was the beginning of some light. I texted him the next day a simple miss you and nothing. I think that is one of the hardest parts and like Claire said they do have to make that choice on their own. But getting and keeping that willpower to try to change with no immediate reward is what keeps them in the pit of despair. And that is hard bc we get stuck too.
I go through every day unhappy and nothing brings much joy. Everything just seems like a distraction to get through to the next day. K- I know this is difficult to do, but I had to take a firm stance on him getting treatment before I would continue support.
I do believe this triggered him seeing a doctor finally. Separating and being firm on this was the right thing, no matter how painful it felt and still feels. Once that happened, I did feel as though he was taking it more seriously.
With that said, this first try at medication has not worked and he said he is trying another now. Another breadcrumb that he is serious about treatment. I try to go at least two weeks without contacting him, because contacting him more frequently in the beginning only frustrated me. They are not emotionally capable of returning the sentiment because the depression has taken that away from them.
I asked him point blank if he ever thinks about me or wants to see me and to my surprise he responded right away and assured me that he thinks about me every day.
He explained that he felt it could confuse things if we saw each other as the meds have not worked yet and nothing emotionally has changed in him. It is an unfair situation for all. Family and friends do not understand. One thing I have found that helps is having my own therapist to talk to and I highly recommend for your sanity to also find for yourself.
Only you will know that answer. I have also found that making a list of what I need in a partner has been helpful to not forget my own needs. Should he come through this, I would want to make sure these needs are understood before beginning the process of healing the relationship. Remember- the relationship is on the back burner until he gets treatment. He did text me this am asking how I was. And yea I am seeing someone weekly. Just right now its tough not knowing how long that could take.
I just wish he could remember how happiness felt. I dont even think he realizes the positive effect of what love can do and did anymore.
Brilliant article. Seems all too familiar to me unfortunately. Glad someone has put this all down on paper. Thanks for your efforts.
I was first diagnosed with depression right after the birth of my first child, which shocked me. Especially because this was how I was used to feeling, and actually usually worse. Things became worse over the years until I was so empty from feeling nothing, just that consuming hopeless emptiness inside. No one understood me, I felt so alone. Even with my kids around me. My kids came first though, nothing is ever coming in the way of that.
He made the emptiness just gone. Weird because I just thought depression was like the commercials, incapacitating. Because I kept on keeping on I just thought my depression was mild. Why is it though that he only gets angry with me? That tells me how close we are, that he can release his emotions with me. This is not easy to handle though, and it brings him guilt. He says he should be supportive of me all the time not trying to instigate conflict.
Anyway, we really know how the other feels, great understanding since we are both diagnosed with the same thing, and our sense of responsibility to loved ones that has always kept us going now applies to each other.
The ups will come to outweigh the downs. So its been 2 weeks since he moved back to his parents. The 2 weeks prior to that there was more communication and contact. Saw each other several times and even spent a couple nights together. It was almost normal when we were together.
0コメント